my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
