Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
