i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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