you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
