I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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