what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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