Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
