are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
