I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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