College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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