Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
