Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
