my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize