dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
