he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
