covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish my penis had a tongue
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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