I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
