Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
