Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize