That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
