Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
