Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize