remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
