A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
