he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
