Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
