Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
the liver wants what the liver wants
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
