im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
