It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
