I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
