OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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