I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
