Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
