It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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