This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
