Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
