How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
