I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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