i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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