sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
