i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
