Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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