I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My cat gives me a boner
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
