I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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