I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
