I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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