dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
