Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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