addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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