i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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