One girl and one boy is just not enough.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
