I'm eating all of the evidence.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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