So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
