so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize