Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
