At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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