Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
