The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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