its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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