My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
