coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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