the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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