I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
