i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
